1077. 忽近、忽远

Rant of the day: It's good to resume my normal life...

又失败了。我真的又失败了。虽然一直说“我ok。没关系……”，但是，内心是难过失望的。看来我真的不是当DJ的料。参加《明星DJ争霸赛》两次，却连连败阵。梦想那么近，却又那么远。至少我还能鼓起勇气，站上那高压的舞台，试者圆自己的梦。

机会一次又一次的破灭，希望也就一次又一次的变渺茫。因为年龄也不小了。27岁……我真得越来越没有能力与机会继续追梦。因该是说我已经快抵达追梦的边界。人的一生中，能有多少的两三年来继续追梦啊？虽然很想告诉自己不要放弃，但是事实就摆在眼前。要不承认也不行了。

很多人会问“为什么怎么大了，还幻想当明星？”或者类型的问题。我不是想当明星。我只想当93.3FM的电台DJ。明星？我还真得不够资格。没有靓丽的面孔。没有健硕的身材。我还是有自知之明。哈哈……

这DJ梦是圆不了了。让这个梦想保留成自己的“未完成”的故事。还是中规中矩的继续我的人生吧……路还长的呢……

1076. a day out

Rant of the day: Feeling satisfied.

I can't be any more happier after I'd got the cast removed. Can't wait to go out even if I am limping in pain!!! So, was in town yesterday with dear, Arina and Liwei to catch Sex and The City 2. Super nice lah!!! The jokes are funny.

After that, the gals went shopping at 313 Somerset. Even though the walk from Cineleisure to the mall is really short, the pain at my ankle was excruciating. Limping and limping. But it's good to have dear by my side, looking out for me in case I fall. But just felt a lil bad that they can't really shop their heart out with a limping man in the group.

Dinner was at this really nice cafe at the mall, Pockets and Poises (if I didn't get their name wrong). Prices ain't rocket high and the food is pretty well done. Portions are slightly larger than the norm and taste pretty much above the average. Love their vanilla ice-cream. The staff are pretty friendly too.

Playing around with my lomography app in my iPhone.

And guess what, even with my condition, we struggled to complete a singing night out at KBox. Steady lah. But the walking part was seriously painful.

DJ competition tomorrow. Gambatte!!! Just hope I don't fall on stage.

1075. removal day

Rant of the day: Sian...

Alrighty... Finally a farewell for my cast. Thanks for accompanying me for the past 1 month even though it was seriously uncomfortable. Itchy... Heavy...

I am having serious doubts on the doctor who had examined me. I was pushed into the consultation room in a wheelchair with the cast still on my right ankle. He was checking my x-ray. Suddenly, he probed a dumb question -- "Which one? Left or right?". Are you kidding me? I am pushed in with my cast still on and you ask me this question? Are you a doctor in the first place? So I answered, "The cast is on my right ankle. So I think is my right leg." Totally DUH!!! He did seemed displeased and ordered for me to remove my cast and to go. Come back 2 month later. Don't he need to examine after I remove my cast and to further the assess the injury for the time being?

But the thing is, even though the cast is finally removed, my ankle is still red and swollen. And of course, seriously painful. At the beginning, it is almost too pain to even stand up and get on the wheelchair!

And, due to the lack of wear and tear of the skin plus, lack of moisture, the skin is extremely dry and flaky.

Can't bend my ankle and the swell ain't subsiding. Feel the pain even when I'm not using my leg. So, without the further assessment by the doctor, I need to report for work on Monday. How nice... This means I need to limp to work almost everyday.

Is he seriously a doctor?

1074. when is your turn?

Rant of the day: I miss clubbing...

Stress... Stress... Stress...

More and more of my peers getting married. More and more people throwing me with the "when is your turn?" question. Even my mum asks me the same question. The stress is coming from myself but it can't be avoided. Really... if you get what I mean.

Not that I don't want to. I ain't young anymore. But my career is not settled. Savings are not enough. Yes... Money not enough... It's ok if I suffer alone but I can't let my love to suffer with me too. Moreover, I can't even decide the right ring. ROAR!!! Too many choices. Too lil cash. =(

*sigh*

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my Hong Kong trip in August with dear. Best thing about this trip... IT'S SUMMER TIME BABY!!! No heavy jackets!!! Probably just a usual sweater in case it rains. Still reading up the things to do when we're there. But I'm gonna catch the Symphony of Lights show on one of the nights.

And course, dear's favourite Disneyland!!! I'd never been to one. So, it's gonna be an experience. Hahaha...

Seriously, alot of my "first time" are dedicated to dear. Alot of "first time" like first time going for dance classes. First time holding on her handbag while she's shopping. And of course...

My first time...

*blush*

Going overseas with only her. Stop thinking the wrong places you *toot*...

There's gonna be alot more first times with her. ALOT MORE~~~

1073. opportunity

Rant of the day: 我真的很想配合你。但是银行存款能力有限。我也有很多plans。

Saw the best post in Facebook and Twitter today and it totally brightened my day -- 明星DJ争霸赛 is BACK!!! Organised by YES93.3FM, it is out to source for the next DJ in their station. It's an opportunity!!! The last time I'd only reached top 50 round. Gawd... Looks like there is a change in the competition format. Do hope I can enter the final 20 this time round. Details here.

And the competition is sooooo nicely arranged after I remove my cast! Woohoo~~~ Is it a sign?

Eric must GAMBATTE!!! 加油加油加油！！！

Anyway, am always enjoying breakfast with mum.

Even though it is tough to go out with crutches, I can't be cooping up at home all day... everyday right? So, specially made a trip down to AMK Hub this morning just to have some bread and coffee with mum.

The return trip home was HELL!!! Probably because of the extreme weather. Super hot and humid. Was sweating like crazy. My arms are aching badly and palms with hard skin developing due to the grasp of the crutches with my heavy weight. And seriously, the gahmen should consider to extend the time duration of the green man. 30s is seriously NOT ENOUGH... I'm practically "running" with 1 leg and 2 crutches. An additional 5s allowance is really appreciated.

Get well soon Eric... Get well soon...

1072. third week

Rant of the day: Ate too much. I'm damn full now...

Ya know, I shouldn't be blogging too much about politics and stuff. Don't wanna get myself in any suit case or something. But the news on Thailand's situation kept showing up in ALL news!!! LITERALLY ALL NEWS AND MEDIA!!!

Seriously, what are their people thinking man... Making their capitol all hectic and crap! Don't they even give a damn about their economy??? And what took their gahmen sooooooo long to finally SHOOT those craps down? Get it done and over with ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! There's a saying in Chinese -- 长痛不如短痛. Whether to shoot those chaos-makers or not, the country's economy is already at the bottom. Might as well get it done. Shoot all their leaders down and leave them with no one to lead. Ya know, 擒贼先擒王.

And while the red supporters get bloody, what is their idol (Thaksin) doing? Nothing... Perfect. Woohoo~~~

Anyway, not my problem either. I'm entering the third week of the cast!!! So looking forward to 27th May. Get the cast remove. But I'm not sure if I can start to walk immediately. After not using my right leg for such a long period, I might not have the strength to stand up straight. Will I need to do physiotherapy?

*sigh*

But I've got a craving for the crispy waffles at Square 2 near TTSH. Think after the removal of the cast, gotta get my hands on one!!! Hahaha...

And oh... Can I downgrade my PES status? Hmmmmmmm... Though there's no major fracture, it is a crack in the bone.

1071. dreaming

Rant of the day: Looking forward to the removal of the cast.

Thanks to my brother, finally got my Kenneth Cole Timepiece from Safra.

Nice right?

For the tenth time, I dreamt of removing the cast!!! Hahaha... 日有所思，夜有所梦。I just can't wait to remove it. It itches. It's warm. And because of the lack of usage, the skin on my feet hardens and feels extremely uncomfortable.

*sigh*

Seriously living hell.

One of my favourite Korean group, 2pm, with their latest MV for "Without U". Love their locking.

1070. happy mothers' day

Rant of the day: Walking on crutches for the whole afternoon ain't easy. More tiring than running 2.4km!!!

Happy Mothers' Day!!!

This year is probably the least eventful Mothers' Day we had celebrated. No posh restaurant. No gift. No cake. Just a simple lunch at Ikea and a trip to the Pet Mart. Due to my condition, venturing out too far is not exactly a wise choice. Moreover, while the whole town clogged at the IRs, Ikea at Tampines was surprisingly not as crowded as what we had expected.

Can't get her a gift as well. *ahem* I can't even go out and get what I want. Needless to say a gift.

But I think mum appreciated and had enjoyed the lunch. As for gift, she only wanted me to get well soon and I sure hope for the same thing too.

Get well soon Eric. Get well...

1069. 是我的错

Rant of the day: I wish I can dip in the pool... I wish...

是我的错……

对不起……

害你奔波劳累……

害你不能做你想做的东西……

是我弄疼你的手背……

是我……是我……是我……

对不起……

情绪最近起伏很大。我的伤连累了别人，也连累了自己。有时候想表现自己的爱，却无意伤到别人。除了难过，还是难过。看了偶像剧后，觉得爱情并不是想偶像剧演得那样。那太不真实了。可是，女孩子为什么追求或向往的却是那儿中爱情呢？

有时候，猫猫狗狗反而更能体现什么是珍爱……

1068. hamper

Rant of the day: 是我想太多？

How nice of the company to send me a hamper in hope that I get well soon (and I certainly hope so too). It's been hell all these while cooping up at home alone with only Deric.

There's a box of bird's nest. Nothing branded but needed these to repair my complexion from the sleepless nights. You wanna try sleeping with a heavy cast on your ankle?

3 bottles of chicken essence (probably for those who are taking care of me).

And decorated with some flowers.

Deric loves the flower though.

It's only the first week of May... Somebody kill me!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

1067. 我要振作

Rant of the day: The itch within the cast is killing me!!! And the humid weather seriously didn't help...

人中是会在夜深人静时，感触才会特别丰富。已经不知道过了几个夜晚，都是夜夜以泪洗脸。觉得自己很没用……一直搞不懂为什么运动都会上到这么严重。我真的是运动肢体白痴吗？为什么一直给人添麻烦？

伤到这么重后，连最简单的事都得费尽全身力量才能完成。平时只需30秒就能爬上的梯级，我现在必须花上5分钟才能完成。而且爬上过后还汗流浃背，狼狈极了。虽然真的很想出门，但是门口的梯阶却让我止步。

就算让我成功的出了门，在外头还得忍受别人一样的眼光。一直盯着看的人是瞎的吗？？？没看过拿拐杖或坐轮椅的人吗？不经如此。在外头又怕拐杖撞到别人或妨碍到别人的路。不然就是怕轮椅撞到别人的脚或店里的陈列室。

*叹*

我是不是很没用？没受伤不就好。Dear也就不会因为天天陪我而感到沉闷无聊，时间难熬。

*叹*

我要振作……

1066. 强颜欢笑

Rant of the day: Going through emotion breakdown...

离奇转折下，我以为今天拆石膏后，就能渐渐恢复往日的作息。谁知道，医生看了我的X光片后，竟然发现我的骨边有裂缝。为了以防万一，我换了一幅新的石膏，又继续呆在家里不能出门。这次，是整整一个月！！！倒霉……真的倒霉……

看我崭新蓝色的石膏！！！Tada~~~

表面上我看起来是似乎没有什么情绪，但内心一直在挣扎着。我不要再继续给大家添麻烦了，尤其是我妈妈。在过去的10天，她无微不至的照顾我任何小细节。早餐、午餐、晚餐。我内心是感激的。除了谢谢，还是谢谢。不过，接下来是30天的折磨。妈妈又必须继续的绞尽脑汁，为我的起居饮食烦恼。我真的是……无言以对。很对不起她老人家。自己的意外而让她忙上忙下。内疚……

弟弟也是因为我这次意外，忙东忙西。请紧急假期。拿紧急time off。提东提西。载上载下。多多少少也占据了他私人的时间。我又是一笔的内疚……

办公室里因为即将来临的宣传而忙得晕头转向。再加上同时因为考试请假，而我又缺席。人力上的压力可想而知。同事也因为如此，取消的部分的假期。我真的很惭愧但又束手无策。表面上，同事也没有很在意。只是希望我能快点好起来。但是，害到他们的行程或安排受到影响，我是万分的内疚……

再来，因为这次的伤而严重影响了我的行动。接下来的30天又是困在家里。又是无法陪dear出门还是什么的。很多的事情无法陪她完成。许多的安排、许多的策划。我多不能陪在她身边。相信dear也是身心疲惫。内疚……

当然还有Kevin。原本计划好的25公里长跑，也因为我这次的意外而有泡汤。更惨的是，钱也付了。不知道能不能找人代替。内疚……

为了隐藏我内心的愧疚与内疚，也不希望别人伤心难过，我认真地保持开心的笑容。我强颜欢笑，不让任何人为我担心。我尽量靠自己解决自己的问题。例如拿东西、吃药、上厕所、拿拐杖、开风扇、开电视等等。在很多时候，我尽量独立。感到极度疼痛时，也不发出任何哀嚎。

我做这一切是为了什么？为了些什么？为了不就是不让关心我的人担心……

因为这次的伤，我已经身心疲惫。我真的不能再接二连三承受更多的精神压力了。我的精神已经很累了。

1065. i cannot scratch

Rant of the day: My foot is sweating inside the cast and bandages... Eeewwwww...

Ok... Tomorrow is the cast removal day. I'm seriously not sure if I am even 50% healed. The pain was terrible this morning and only to subside after medication. Then again, it only means that the injury is still in a bad condition. But I'll be glad if the cast can be removed asap. It's warm inside and if I feel itchy, I CANNOT SCRATCH!!! And it's extremely uncomfortable wearing it. My movement is literally restricted. I have to depend on my crutches to go to the toilet...

*sigh*

I'm so hoping to quickly remove it. And of course, to stand up and walk on my own without the crutches...

Some things to complete after getting the cast remove after tomorrow. Need to attend a fashion show with dear on Saturday (so I'm hoping I can walk properly and not limp too much). So, what to wear huh? Troubled... Also, need to collect my Kenneth Cole Timepiece from Safra. Almost forgot about it until I glanced on the collection slip that's lying on my desk.

1064. ain't quite comfortable

Rant of the day: I'm still in pain... Owwwww...

Going through the longest MC in my life so far and things ain't quite comfortable actually. Besides the fact that I get to sleep more and wake up at 9 plus in the morning for breakfast and medication, the ankle still hurts like hell!!! The worse pain is always in the morning when I'm getting off the bed. The pain can be so bad that my face will turn pale.

But the swelling had subsided quite a lot. Can feel it... LITERALLY... The cast and bandages are coming loose. So had to stick them back with my own collection of micropore (those white cloth tape that the clinics or hospitals use to stick the bandages up) that I had been keeping since I'm quite an accident-prone person.

Going toilet just to pee is hell enough. Needless to say going for a bath...

I'm practically stuck at home EVERYDAY because going outdoor is tedious. I can't make up the short flight of stairs without sweating or panting.

But I can't stay in front of my laptop for too long as well! The ankle will be numbed... So I finished reading all my unfinish magazines. Still got 2 more books to complete.

I'm so looking forward to remove my cast on Friday... Please lemme recover... Please please please... I'm still pretty hopeful to complete the 25km run in May...

1063. universal studio singapore

Rant of the day: Ankle still swollen... Ultimate sianzation...

The trip to Universal Studio Singapore on Saturday was a blast!!! It was hell lotsa fun even though I was wheelchair-bound!!! IRAS Family Day 2010 held on Saturday at the venue was a well organised one. Heard the boss said during the speech that we are the first organisation to do it there.

During the visit, saw alot of my colleagues and almost everyone were concerned about my injury. DON'T WORRY PEEPS!!! I'm well and good. Just that my movement is really restricted and of course, the morning pain...

Do heard comments that why am I still going to the family day with my current condition... Oh come on peeps, I'd paid for the tickets. Moreover, I had a wheelchair. I don't need to walk around with my crutches. I'm well bandaged up and not exactly feeling too much pain. It's such a rare chance to be here so die die must come!!!

The most ridiculous comment was: "Easy for you lah. Got people push you around while you sit hor?"

Easy for you to say... Perhaps the person wanna try sitting on a wheelchair for a day and see if it feels good.

If you are at Universal Studio, how can you miss taking a photo at their signature globe?!?

I love this photo best. My family and my favourite character in Shrek the Movie!!! It's Puss-in-Boots!!! Meow...

This is probably the best taken photo of the park yesterday. The castle of the Far Far Away Land.

Lunch was the at park as well. There's this restaurant call the KT Grill. Ordered quite the standard stuff you can get outside like chicken, fish and chips and steak. Though the choices ain't wide but the food is good. But this particular steak the dear and I ordered to share was really AMAZING!!!

Look at the size of the steak!!! And it's damn good!!! A steak worth waiting for... Ya... We waited for about 30min for this steak to be served.

Food aside, one of the best experience was that the park is pretty much handicap-friendly. Serious!!! Because of my injury and the wheelchair, I was given priority to almost EVERYTHING!!! Express lane. Assisted pavement. Elevators. Special arrangements. Extremely helpful and friendly staffs. Lovin' every moment of it. I'm practically treated like a king there!!! Probably because of my condition and needed extra caution bah...

Not only me getting these special privileges. My family members accompanying me get to ride with me on the priority queue as well!!!

And guess what... Besides the water ride, I can take almost any ride there!!! Even the high speed indoor roller coaster!!! So long I can get onto the ride without the wheelchair on my own and the safety rails can close up, I can take the ride!!! Woohoo~~~

So maybe getting badly injured just before the trip to the park isn't such a bad thing after all. =P